Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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