i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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