Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
