The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
