she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
