Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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