there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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