he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
