You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
