Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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