she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
