Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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