This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
