Will you blow on my dice?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
