i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
