The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sober January is a disaster.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
