I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
