i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
