What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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