I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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