dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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