it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
