So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
