My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
