Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
