Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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