Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They took my balls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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