"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
