This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
