she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
