don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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