He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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