Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
