He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
