Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
