I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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