College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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