You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
