i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
