Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
