fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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