i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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