evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
