i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
