First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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