How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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