Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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