at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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