I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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