Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
