I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
