You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
