Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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