Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
