Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
