i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
